I just read a post that inspired me, so I feel the need to jot down these thoughts really fast. When I was younger I read every book that said you need to love yourself and be lost in The Lord before true love will come. I spent so much time praying “Lord, I love you and I love myself but I just wish you would bring a boy into my life.” Needless to say, I was NOT busy loving myself and The Lord, I was still praying for a boy despite what I thought I was doing. Fast forward to my second year of college (and really the summer before too). For the first time in my life I was growing relationships — read friendships — that I actually valued and were worth something in my life. I was going to a church that I actually connected with, with my best friend, instead of going to the church I thought the world thought I should go to. I was working hard at work and school and trying to get myself to a place I could be proud of. As a result, I felt myself growing. I’m not saying I’m any close to perfect or anything close, but I’m moving in a positive direction towards to woman I think God wants me to be. Fast forward to November and I met him. Now, saying I was working hard at all of this does not mean I wasn’t going out on dates and meeting people. I just wasn’t trying to force anything that wasn’t there. So, November. He came into my life quietly because I wasn’t expecting anything. Not that he wasn’t great, I just was trying my best to not put pressure on things. I fell in love though. Headfirst, fantastic and secure love. While I definitely have had my issues — especially in the past couple months — he makes me better but not because I’m not already a person I love to be. I believe in myself, I trust him and myself and I understand that he and I can do our own things and be able to come back at the end of the day and decompress together. He’s someone to lean on but not that I can’t be there for myself.
This summer seems like a jump back to that girl who was working so hard to love herself and The Lord and dive headfirst into her career. This time, however, I have another person on my team. I have another person there cheering for me but still loving me when and if I fail. I’m learning that it’s okay to be in a relationship but at the same time it’s okay to be in a relationship that’s not complete infatuation.
I’m not quite sure why I wrote this, other than as a letter to past me and anyone else who is struggling with the same things. It may take some time but lose yourself. Really lose yourself in what you love and you’ll be surprised at who you find. Not only was I surprised at the man at the other side, but also I was amazed at the woman I am.
Take heart. The Lord is there for you and he wants to pick you up when you fall.