On Honesty

So, one fear a week seems to be what I signed up for. This week it was honesty. I know that sounds awful, but to say honesty with those I care about is something I have almost always struggled with. Whether it comes from a place of anger, or hurt, or pride, I have not always been an honest person to my friends and mostly my family. With that said it’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older except the fact that I can be prideful and I’m an adult. This week I messed up with the sublease process back home. As a result I was strapped with a rather hefty fine I did NOT have the money for. I first spent time trying to apply for loans to get the money (against my best judgement) and then finally, with my tail between my legs, emailed my dad asking for help. He ended up telling me it was my mistake and I need to deal with it. He also gave me some advice to ask for a payment plan. I did and it looks like things are going to work out. It’s not going to be as easy as if my parents had bailed me out or if I had been able to find some quick cash but it does mean I’m still here. I didn’t get beamed off the Earth for being honest about one mistake. Coming to my parents and asking for help was hard, yes, but their advice and their requirement that I handle this myself helped me grow more in that situation.

Becoming an adult isn’t something you just wake up one day and find that you are an adult. It’s a slow process and some of us may not ever become society’s expectation of what an adult should be. The most important thing, for me at least, is to not let my pride get in the way. There are so many people here to help me through this transition and I just need to be able to tell them what’s up and listen to their advice without reacting.

So, in summation (I’ve been wanting to use that word all week) the fear this week was being honest with my parents about my situation and waiting for their response. I’m not saying conquering this one time will make it easier in the future, nor did this time come out of anything other than pure necessity but, with that said, I did it. Hopefully in times to come it will get a little bit easier to handle whatever life throws at me.

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