My mom and I were talking last night: what makes us so volatile during middle school? Why do we feel such a need to fit in and why does EVERYTHING seem so hard? Well, we didn’t have any answers to that because who really knows? Growing up though, we all take our own amount of time to truly fall in love with ourselves.
You may have heard me talk about moving to Lubbock and how good that was for me. I found new parts of my personality: humility, maturity, peace, etc. (Side note: I’m not saying I have any of these in abundance.) I found a woman I had never known in Houston because the girl I was in Houston felt the need to always have her walls up, to be assertive to the point of being abrasive. This girl had some rough edges that needed to be smoothed out and Lubbock was the place to do this. I found friends that love me for me and I got involved in activities I actually enjoyed. Finally, I was involved in a relationship where I could be me, but I needed to show compassion and be able to listen, among others. I was being challenged in this new stage of my life because I was growing into characteristics I had never felt before. Now, finally back in Houston, I feel great. I feel like I am this whole new person who truly loves herself. Now I’m finally in a position where God can begin to add those traits back in: independence, assertiveness, but he can add them to a mold that won’t overuse them, but instead will use them simply when needed and in moderation. To say I’m excited would be an understatement. I’m remembering this girl that doesn’t let anything get in her way and can do anything she puts her mind to and I love it. I feel like I finally love myself, truly love myself. I mean, I’m awesome, but that doesn’t mean I’m awesome in a way that means you’re not or I’m only thinking of myself. We live in a society where most people can’t even take compliments because they’re so afraid to seem prideful or rude. Celebrate yourself! Don’t go overboard, but say thank you the next time someone says your hair looks nice, just thank you. Love everything about yourself, even the flaws and the things you need to work on.
Keeping with the theme of loving myself and really figuring out who that girl is, here are 20 things I DO know – the good and the bad – about me.
1. I always cry in the last scene of Pitch Perfect. I don’t know why, I just do. Every time.
2. My mom is my best friend and she’s the only one I want to talk to about things most of the time.
3. I have a Pinterest board for my future wedding. I know that’s not surprising when you think of girls in general, but for the longest time I swore I would never get married. Now I have wedding fever just like most everyone else.
4. I struggle with my outer appearance and I’m just now getting to a point where I can acknowledge it and love it while still working on being healthy.
5. My thoughts are extremely vague and I don’t realize it most of the time. I mean, I understand what I’m talking about so why doesn’t anyone else.
6. I have watched Gossip Girl way too many times and will continue to watch it over and over again because I think there is so much to learn in their crazy world.
7. I believe in loyalty. The flip side of that is the easiest way to hurt me is to compromise your loyalty.
8. I procrastinate SO bad. I don’t even know how I get most of the stuff I get done finished.
9. I got to a point of some pretty bad depression in middle school and I still battle with some of the negative thoughts now that I put in my head back then.
10. I feel uncomfortable around white boys. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know.
11. Sometimes I wish so deeply that I could be less independent, but then when I try to be more dependent I absolutely hate it.
12. Morocco, South Africa and Thailand are currently on the top of my list of places I want to go.
13. Telling someone’s story is one of the greatest things you can do for a person in my book. It’s a big reason why I fell so deeply in love with journalism.
14. I am passionate about most things I do, be it the friends I choose to hang out with, my career choices or who I date. I don’t like doing something halfway.
15. I don’t believe in dating just to date. Obviously you’re not going to profess your love to someone right away, but I believe you shouldn’t be dating someone if you can’t see a future with them.
16. Someone told me during high school that if I quit guard (I quit at the end of the school year, thank you) I was just going to keep quitting things my entire life and that comment follows me everywhere I go in everything I do.
17. I am AWFUL at saving money.
18. In this new phase of life I have unearthed a tender heart and I have to focus pretty hard to not let a lot of things hurt my feelings.
19. Thinking about my future is both terrifying and exhilarating. I have to focus pretty hard to live every day for what it is instead of dreaming about the future.
20. Last, and most important, I am a daughter of the King and he is the reason I am the person I am today. Anything less than celebrating that woman, faults and all would be a slap in the face to my creator who believe I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
Do you have faults? What are they? What’s your favorite thing about yourself?