The Abyss That Is My Future

Six months ago I thought I had it all figured out. I would marry the boy I was in love with, I would work at the Houston Chronicle, then The Washington Post and then The Associated Press. I would be happy, fulfilled and doing exactly what I needed to be doing. I would have a great relationship with God and my family, be the best wife and enjoy living each day with my best friend.

Fast forward six months and I am terrified. I’m not upset about being romantically alone anymore – that gives me freedom. I am, however, terrified that I’m not going to make the right decision. Coming in as a freshman I decided to double major in journalism and political science because I am passionate about both. Getting both degrees would help me keep all future doors open. What I didn’t realize is while those doors provide freedom, they also force me to make tough decisions. Now I can attempt to get a career in journalism, government or private sector. I can work abroad or at home and I can (attempt to) speak Arabic and English wherever I am. Those choices at this point in my life is overwhelming.

I’ve been re-watching One Tree Hill on Netflix because I love OTH and there is one scene where Quinn is explaining to Clay why she’s so scared of the ocean. She credits immensity for her fear. Well, that’s currently how I’m feeling about the rest of my life. I feel like I’m looking out from the beach onto what is about to be the rest of my forever and I’m scared to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to drown, get eaten by a shark. Instead I want to enjoy the journey. I want to weather the storms like a pro and I want to live to tell of my adventures.

I know this is just normal – especially for someone who is down to seven months in this glorious college town. The promise of normalcy does not quiet the nerves though, so instead I will sit here and try to breathe. Good luck readers.

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