An open letter to my high school crush

Dear boy who has sinceΒ turned into a man,

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I’m a senior in college and you could say I’m feeling a little nostalgic today.

It’s been three years since I last saw you and as silly as it is, I still look for you sometimes when I come home. We were never in a relationship or even so much as went out on a date, but I was so convinced that you and I would end up together some day, “rom-com style.” You were the first boy I thought about a future with and the first one I recognized for your thoughts and opinions. You’re the first one I believed was like the male version of me, even though we didn’t share the same thoughts and opinions (only the same crazy way of sharing them).

I knew I liked you the very first day of freshman year, and continued with that little crush all the way until we were walking across the stage at graduation, no matter how many times you annoyed me or I thought you were 100 percent wrong in all your opinions.

I sat by in classes, not saying many words to you because I thought it could/would never work. Sometimes I even helped my friends “talk” to you because I felt they were always prettier or smarter than me.

You taught me about me too, though. Before even entering the world of college dating you taught me, at a point in my life where I was the most raw version of myself, what I was looking for in a man. You taught me what it was like to not settle on any boy who would come around just because I was interesting to them. You also taught me how to flirt obnoxiously, while I’m not sure that was ever a good thing.

I wonder about you sometimes. While you’re not my crush and I don’t see you every day in class I wonder what you’re doing sometimes and what you ended up majoring in. I wonder if you still drive that same car that you loved or if you’re still as headstrong and stubborn as I know I am. I also wish you nothing but success, despite not being a part of it. I wish you happiness, love and the future I know you’ve always dreamed of.

You may not have been my boyfriend, or my best friend or even a huge part of my life, but there was something about you that stuck with me and IΒ wanted to let you know sometimes I still think about you and I hope you’re doing okay.

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