I sat down to write a post about ways to craft for your little on a budget and just couldn’t do it. Don’t worry, that post is coming later. I’m too frustrated right now to post it, though. Months ago I thought I was on the track and I thought I had everything figured out: my career, my “love,” my relationships with friends and family and…everything. I was on top of the world and like it always happens, I came crashing down. I lost that love, found out some things about a friend, decided I have no idea what I want to do with my life because I don’t know how to get to the career I’ve always wanted. The only thing that stayed constant was family. They were there for me through everything and I’m kind of ish back on track again.
I’m finally back to dreaming about my apartment alone: what plants I want, if I’m going to get a dog or cats or one of each, where my “key spot” is going to be and the like. What I don’t think people realize is how hard it is to get excited about the little stuff without a plan. It’s something I didn’t realize until I started nearing this, what seems like, looming deadline.
When you graduate college you have to have everything figured out, a career in mind, a ring on your finger and a plan for the rest of your life.
I haven’t graduated yet, but I only have seven months left and I surely don’t and won’t have a ring on my finger, I have options but not a plan, I have multiple careers in mind and I barely know how to do my taxes – like I can fill out the website but I KNOW I’m not getting all the deductions possible.
All the things that make me feel like I’m not qualified to graduate: I google literally everything, I don’t know how often to water normal house plants, I don’t know which pot or pan is the best one to use while cooking (even though I’m pretty good at cooking), I don’t know how hot and for how long to heat up bread to go with my pasta, I can’t get most places without my GPS, I can’t sleep in my own apartment or house without anyone else in there very well. Those are just a few of the reasons I need my mommy.
Here’s something I’m learning though (don’t tell my mom). She doesn’t know everything either and all these things I’m scared of that I still have to go to my mom and ask for help with she learned (mostly) through trial and error or calling her mom. Just because I don’t know which fancy glasses go with which alcohol doesn’t mean I’m not ready to grow up, get a job and be successful. It just means I’ve learned what there is to learn in this section of life and I’m ready to get on to the next one.
As far as the career goes, I am even more motivated to get my dream career because that’s what I always go back to. No matter how much hard work that takes or long hours put in to show I’m willing to be the best, that’s what I want and that’s what I’ve been in college so long to do.
As far as love goes, who cares. I mean it’s nice to love someone but right now my soulmates are my best friends and my family is one of the best exhibits of unconditional love out there. Also, something massively important: I love me. Not in a self-absorbed way (although I have those moments too), but I love my faults, my awesome traits and everything in between. You want to know why? Because I’m worth it. Because I was put on this Earth for a reason. Because I have so much to contribute and I cannot wait to see what I’m going to do. Because I love walking in the rain and being rowdy at football games; because I love with all of my heart and that goes for friends, boys, animals and everything in between; because I love the feeling when I don’t have to wake up right then and I can just lay in my bed and feel the way the sheets feel because nothing feels softer in that moment; because I love Pilot G2 pink pens and writing in planners; because I have AWFUL luck with phones and sleep with like 20 blankets and 20 pillows; because I have so much to give this world and I absolutely love that.
With that said, however, just because I love who I am so much, that doesn’t mean I don’t think other people are just as amazing and unique as I am. All of those things I said up there and the many I didn’t say are the things I have to contribute to this world and they’re beautiful and wonderful, but so are the things my mom has to contribute and my best friend has to contribute and even what that annoying girl in my Legislation class brings.
I am so excited to start out this last semester and then onto the new journey that is Kaitlin in her adult life.
This post definitely started out as a frustration rant and then turns into something beautiful. That sounds like my life lately. 🙂