On selfishness

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I’m selfish. I’m so very selfish. I want things done my way. I want to spend my money on what I want. Even when I make things for other people I want them to be fun for me too.

When I was little I wanted to make a cake for my mom for her birthday. She said her favorite sweet treat was a brownie and I still made a cake because I didn’t think people should have brownies on their birthday – they’re supposed to have birthday cake on birthdays. (Yes, I still feel awful about that).

Tell me you’re not similar. We look at gift registries for other people and pick out the thing we like the best instead of what they might need the most. Heck, we make gift registries because we want the things we get to match and be our style (yes, I will still have a gift registry, lol).

Even when I’m trying to be unselfish I’m often doing it because I want someone to notice. “I don’t care if you do this but just know it sucks for me.” What is wrong with me? I’m not saying I’m the only one with this issue. I honestly don’t think I know anyone that DOESN’T have this issue, but what’s wrong with all of us?

Why are we so scared to look stupid, annoying, like we’re not coming out on top?

I know in my life I put a premium on being right. It’s not even enough for me to be right inside my head, no, I need other people to see that and give me the validation that I’m right.

Can we start doing things for the goodness in others? Can we start doing things not to look good, not for the treasures in Heaven, not even to have the sense of satisfaction that we did a good thing but simply find joy in the good and not the bad?

I honestly don’t know how to do that. I know how to do it in some parts of my life but I would be 100 percent lying to you if I laid out an action plan and set measurements.

Do any of you have any ideas?

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