So, remember how I said this Fourth of July sucked? (Sorry mom, I know you hate that word.) Well, it did. Bad. Which is honestly disappointing because the Fourth of July is honestly my favorite holiday and this one was worse than the one that I had to work in high school.
It started out with feeling left out. I honestly hate feeling left out even though if we’re being honest most of the time I do it to myself. It’s hard for me to break out of my shell constantly because I really like my shell. I don’t judge myself and I can say whatever I want and it’s great. Also, I lack a filter, so it’s kind of hard to only say things that are socially acceptable when in my brain, most things are.
So, I tried to get up in the morning and go to the parade by myself and be happy and have fun but I was already in a bad mood because I was alone, so I didn’t get as much enjoyment out of it as I know I could have. Then I went and had lunch alone which just made me feel uncomfortable and awkward because I didn’t want people to look at me and wonder if I didn’t have any friends because here I was alone.
**Honestly that’s a dumb thought because when I look at people eating alone I’m so jealous. They don’t have to make conversation and they didn’t have to go through the long task of deciding where to eat (my friends can never make this decision) they just got to do them. So, what’s to say that’s not what people thought if they looked at me.
So then I went home to take a nap and still no one wanted to ask if I wanted to go with them or anything. So when I woke up I found someone I thought wanted to watch the fireworks with me, so I trekked out to his rooftop. Turns out he “thought he was in the mood but wasn’t.” That’s annoying. If you say we’re doing one thing that’s not fair to change your mind. Oh well.
After leaving his roof with only like 30 minutes to go until fireworks I decided I was just going to cut my losses and go home and watch the fireworks on the TV. While waiting for my Uber I got frustrated. Why was I going to let someone else make a decision for me? Why was I going to let his or her decision influence my own happiness. I LOVE fireworks. Like, probably more than any 21-year-old should. Why was I going to let someone take that away from me?
So I changed my destination and the (super nice, from Texas, so glad I got him) Uber driver took me to the Lincoln Monument because he said that was the best place to watch them.
He was right.
It was so cloudy I honestly probably wouldn’t have been able to see much from said “friend’s” rooftop or really anywhere else in DC. However, the Lincoln Monument is like right where they set them off, which was phenomenal. It was there that I also had a realization…
Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.
Let me say that one more time…
Being alone does NOT have to be lonely.
So, I’m a pretty big fan of myself. I know I have faults but I think I’m a pretty cool person in general and I like hanging out with me! That’s not a “tooting my own horn thing,” I think we all should love ourselves and like hanging out alone sometimes.
So if I like me so much, why do I complain about being alone? Why does it make me sad to celebrate holidays by myself? Because the world told me so. For some reason we as a society judge our success (often but not always) by the number of people who see them. We judge our moments, both happy and sad, by who was around to see it happen or be there for us.
Honestly? That’s just silly.
I’m so over being sad about being by myself. Being me is fun. I get to do whatever I want, experience things as much as I want and then talk about them with my friends when we all get back together. This isn’t to say I have no friends or I don’t want any, just that I’m totally good to be on my own too!
My twenties are a time to be selfish and I want to fully take advantage of that. I want to do the things I want, go to bed when I want, have the pet I want and spend my money on what I want and, honestly? That’s my prerogative. How can you ever be sure of what you want with another person if you’ve never had the opportunity to make those decisions for yourself?
So you know what I did when I got home from fireworks? I ordered a pizza with the toppings that I wanted, not anyone else, ate as much of the pizza as I wanted and refrigerated the rest because that’s what freedom is about.
Also, here are some pictures of the adventures I did have. 🙂