Some Thoughts

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My heart is breaking today. This week has been awful for this country and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it. From the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile this week and the shooting of five police officers in my beautiful home state and sister city and the lock down of the Capitol this morning I just don’t know what to do anymore.

The other day I told someone I think the world has broken my heart and it really has. Yesterday we had CSPAN on in the office and it was the democrats each going up to the podium to ask for a vote on gun control and each one of them talking about someone who was killed by violence in each Congressman and woman’s home district. There should not be enough people that each person who went up to the podium had someone to talk about from their own district.

Then my beautiful Texas. We honestly don’t deal with a whole lot of this race-related stuff in Texas. There are super racist white people in towns with no black people and then while there’s obviously hate every where, I feel like our cities are pretty tolerant (keep in mind that’s coming from a while female, I don’t know very well). But then to have something like this happen hurts my heart. I know I joke about hating Dallas because I’m from Houston and you just have to hate one if you’re from the other, but when it comes down to something like this it doesn’t matter who’s from where. We’re all Texan and we’re all family. My heart breaks for the families that are having to deal with the loss of a husband or son or loved one. My heart breaks for a city that now has to recover from something like this. My heart breaks for the shooter that thought that this was the answer to whatever issue he had.

My heart is just breaking and it’s the world that broke it. I just don’t know what to do or think anymore. Pray. I know a lot of people say it doesn’t do anything, but pray.

***Addition: I’m tired of this turning everyone against each other. I’m tired of the articles written by black Americans telling people “the way white people are” and I’m tired of white Americans telling people “the way black people are.” I am tired of the generalizations and the hate and the fear. I’m tired of being told by a faceless individual on the Internet that because I’m white I don’t care. I’m tired of being told by faceless white people on the Internet that they don’t want to listen to black protesters because all lives matter. I’m honestly just sick of it.

I’m tired of seeing adults act like oversized children with more lethal toys. I’m tired of only being 21-years-old and feeling like my generation are the only sane ones out there.

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