An Open Letter to my Ex

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Hey you,

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it. I mean, it’s been awhile since we were together, together, but it hasn’t been a while since I contacted you and it certainly hasn’t been long since you contacted me. You called and asked to see me and I called one of my best friends crying so hard that she could barely understand what I was saying. I wasn’t crying because I missed you. I don’t think I’ve missed you in a long time. I was crying because I was terrified that one conversation, ten minutes, maybe even seeing you, would destroy all the hard work I’ve done to stop missing you; to stop wishing you would come back; to stop thinking that you are the only one in the world I could tell a million little things to.

Guess what? I’ve outgrown you. My best friend said it first and I think I finally believe it. You said you wanted to see me and I asked you to be good to me for a week and you didn’t last a day. You probably didn’t even last 12 hours, but I didn’t try to text you until a couple days later. It didn’t hurt. It was mildly annoying but more amusing. I didn’t call my best friend crying. I didn’t even mention it to my best friend. I thought about it, but didn’t.

Losing you hurt. Losing you made me cling to people close to me like I’ve never done before. Losing you made me feel like I couldn’t do anything by myself but then something amazing happened. I went from feeling like I could do nothing to being able to do anything. I spent a summer interning in our nation’s capitol. I graduated from school a year early. I got fantastic grades and enough sleep every night (because I wasn’t on the phone with you). I focused on me and feel in love with me, not in that way girls fall in love with themselves because their boyfriend loves them, but in a general, sincere way that I think I’m the I learned that I’m the coolest me I can be and that while I have flaws, I’m exactly perfect the way I am because my Lord made me that way. Oh, and I stopped having to defend my faith to someone I thought was everything to me.

I’m so excited. I’m so excited to move to a new place and to not think about you anymore. I don’t hate you; I don’t resent you, but I don’t love you either. I wish the best for you, but you were merely a stepping stone for me in my path to becoming the exact me I need to be {as I know I was for you}.

So, this is goodbye and goodluck. I can’t wait to see who I become without you and I can’t wait to see what all I can do as me, just me.



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