A lot of people who read my blog about DC told me they thought I was having the time of my life and loving every minute of it. If you know me, you know that while I did a whole lot of growing this past summer, met some amazing people and learned SO much about myself, the world and our government, I did NOT enjoy my summer in DC.
When people ask me how it was, my favorite thing to say is, “Well, it was an adventure.” That’s totally the truth. It was an adventure, just not an adventure where I loved every single moment of it, which is okay. I am learning as I get older, that my personality type is such that I don’t like to upset people. I know that’s funny because I seem to do a good job at it, but I don’t intentionally walk into confrontation (except journalism is a completley different nuanced issue, so don’t get me started there). But in my personal life, if someone has done something for me or trying their hardest or whatever it is, I don’t like to do things to go out of my way to slap them in the face. That means that a lot of the time my thoughts and feelings get put on the backburner, which has its positives and negatives and I could get into that in a whole different post.
However, that meant this summer I didn’t want to write anything bad. I didn’t want to write about how I am not meant to work inside politics – that excludes political journalism for those of you who might be reading and looking for a flaw in what I’m writing. Political journalism is EXACTLY what I want to do because of everything I learned this summer. I didn’t want to write about how my roommate and other people I was living with made me feel awful because I wasn’t exactly like they were. I didn’t want to write about how I called my mom bawling because the city I was living in felt like it was sucking the joy out of me.
However, one of the main things I wanted the program to improve upon, was to let students know it’s okay to not love everything about the experience. Sure I did a lot of amazing things that I look back on and smile, but that doesn’t mean I’m one of those people who never wants to leave DC again. I learned later there was another student who, like me, wasn’t as enamored as others, which is perfectly fine. The internship was a “risk-free trial” of a career that, if I had entered into it, would have cost me a lot more pain and struggle than six weeks of an unpaid internship did.
With that said, I want to let whoever is reading this know that packing up and moving 2000 miles from home is not easy. Graduating a year early and leaving all of my friends behind still attending rush week and loving every football game is not easy. Getting an apartment and making a budget and starting a brand new job in a brand new city is not going to be easy and I know that.
I don’t want anyone to look at my blog and get upset because they’re doing a similar thing and it’s hard for them when I’m not talking about how hard it is.
It’s hard because I feel like I can’t call my very best friends because they’re so excited about me starting this new journey in my life and I feel bad being upset about little stupid things and missing people. It’s hard because I miss my mama SO much but I know she misses me too, so calling and bawling about missing college football (yes I did that yesterday) seems dumb. It’s hard because I feel like any new friends I make will get frustrated because me being homesick seems like I don’t want to be here, which I TOTALLY DO.
So, it’s hard, not hard enough that I’m regretting the move, but hard. So, let me leave you with some positivity.
This move, this change, is so exciting for me. I get to blaze my own trail and I have what is basically my dream first job with some amazing people. I have fallen in love with this little city and I have probably the best living situation I could have found. I am outstandingly blessed and I know the Lord is with me every step of the way. Everyone I love is behind me cheering and loving me and excited to see what I can do, so it’s going to be great.
**Also, I have some pretty darn amazing family just down the road from me that I can’t wait to hang out with more.