I have spent so much time in my life trying to make myself into one thing or another. It wasn’t usually a conscious “Hey, you’re not good enough,” but more like an “Everyone changes and grows in life and this is just you changing and growing.”
One of the big things I wanted to change was how emotional I am. I cry at everything. I mean literally almost everything. I don’t know what it is but movies and being happy and being sad and having goals and everything under the sun can set me off.
That’s hard. It’s especially hard because we live in the world that sees a tender heart as having a weakness. The world wants to say that we’re not good enough if we cry, things shouldn’t hurt us, have no feelings and just move on.
Guess what? That’s not me. That might be you, which is great. However, it’s not me and I need to celebrate that.
Living in DC for a short time was kind of the last straw that taught me that. There are so many people in DC that don’t care. They don’t show any emotions or try to make real, true friends (just from my experiences I know the whole city isn’t like that) and being in that environment made me miserable.
I remember calling my mom bawling and saying, “Mom, it’s like this place takes the very joy out of me. It’s soul sucking.” I’d never felt that before. I didn’t know what that was like and I learned really quick that gray is not my personality color.
Fast forward to coming home and my brother was/is “obsessed” (I hate that word because it has such a terrible connotation) with the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test. This test showed him so much about his personality, especially the little things that he thought he was the only one that thought those things.
So, I took it too. I’m an ESFJ! Unfortunately, that means I’m like 13 percent of the population (huge chunk) and for a girl who likes to feel unique that didn’t make me too happy. Then I started reading more and more and all the (famous) people I love and aspire to be like are ESFJs too: Anne Hathaway, Leslie Knope, BLAIR, etc. They’re all ESFJs. They’re varying types of ESFJs, but all the same personality type.
ESFJs are emotional, but that’s their super power. It allows them to connect with people and love people and meet people’s needs before they even know they have them. ESFJs are the people I have admired and wanted to be like my whole life. So why have I always tried to fight it?
I admire people like my mom who can give of themselves and not get burnt out but for some reason when I tried to translate that into my own life it made me feel weak, which is stupid because never in my life have I thought my mom is weak.
So, I’m pumped to be me. I’ve been super in love with me for a while but this is a new super cool way where I almost feel like a superhero with this super awesome superpower that not everyone has and just because other people have other superpowers that doesn’t make mine any less cool.
Have you taken the MBPT? What’s your type?