The days I feel good enough to turn on the caps lock are few and far between. I feel like I am constantly nervous or worrying about something or another. I’m sad or anxious or whatever it is, so I’m here and I’m better than I could be but I’m definitely not all caps GOOD.
However, today I do feel that good. I don’t even know what it is and I usually don’t, but I’m so glad to be here and alive and exactly where I need to be. It’s great.
But on these days I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to go to sleep because I miss this feeling when it’s not here. I don’t want to go to sleep because I just feel like I should hold onto it as much as I can because who knows when I’m going to feel this way again.
Maybe, just maybe, if I don’t go to sleep it will just extend throughout the day. If I don’t go to sleep and break up the day maybe I can just trick my body into thinking that everything is dandy and just keep on keeping on.
Do you ever feel like this?
So, tonight I don’t think I’m going to sleep. I know I still have to go to work in the morning and I know sleep is good for me but right now I just can’t bring myself to do it.
This way, tomorrow night I’ll be utterly exhausted and I can just go to sleep super fast and don’t have to worry about anything at all.
So basically, when I feel like this I usually have two full days of feeling good guaranteed: the first, when I feel good and I don’t sleep, then the second when I continue to feel good but I am so exhausted I slip into sleep with no problem.
Am I the only one who feels like this?