I’ve always said that I want to be raw and honest with all of you. That means that sometimes when life gets tough I just need to suck it up and share it instead of continuing to pretend like everything is great.
Before I explain what’s going on, I do what to let you know that in my head I know everything is great. I have an amazing job and an amazing family and friends supporting me. I have a steady income and everything I could need to survive. Things in that respect are great.
But things inside aren’t so great.
I’ve had more prolonged anxiety then I think I ever have in my life. I tried to take caffeine out of my diet because I thought it would help. It did, but it also gave me something new to obsess and beat myself up over. So I stopped caring about that.
I decided last weekend I needed to have a chill weekend filled with recharging my own battery but for some reason it felt like my insides wouldn’t hold a charge. The best way I know to explain it is that my insides feel shaky all of the time. I can’t really explain it in any other way. Do you get what I mean?
I can’t sleep and when I do all of my dreams are awful and I wake up disturbed and not even close to well rested. I’m crying often and I just feel unsettled.
I’ve decided I’m going to wait until after my birthday to really panic. It’s a week away and then I’ll get to spend five days off, four of which will be spent with my Seattle family.
Maybe that’s just what I need.
If not I’m going to start to look into low-cost mental health counseling or therapy in my area.
Anyone have any other ideas? Anyone else know what I’m feeling? Let me know if this was a little too real. 🙂