So, a lot of times people get upset about social media (blogging included) making it look like people have it all together.
While I’ve vented enough for you to probably already realize I don’t, I just want to remind you with a quick explanation of my day/week.
- Last night I had a dream that basically capitalized on EVERYTHING I’m already anxious about so I woke up this morning about reading to burst. You may not know this about me, but it’s pretty darn hard for me to start my day already at about 99 percent of anxiety.
- I miss my mommy. A lot.
- I don’t know how I’m going to pull everything I need to for work. I can’t just make things appear and that freaks me out.
- This morning my laptop crashed and I DO NOT have the money to pay for that. Especially because (for reasons I’m not going to get into) I had to drop like $600 on something last week and I already have a mountain of bills to pay for this month and basically every month after.
- I have like seven million birthdays and weddings coming up in the next several months and it really upsets me that 1. I can’t be there for everything and 2. I don’t have the money to acknowledge those birthdays from afar either.
- I NEED a vacation to see my family, even just those in Seattle (I don’t mean just in a bad way) here soon, but I don’t have the money to do that. See #4 above, so I feel stuck. SO being stuck makes me anxious and then thinking about being stuck makes it worse.
- My rent check was late this month. It’s kind of the bank’s fault and mostly my fault so now I get to pay $30 in late fees. Which, if you’ve been reading ot this point, is money I don’t have.
- I don’t feel like I have a support system here in Yakima. Sure I have friends, but it’s not support like from my mom or Miranda or Espy or Elise or Caitlin or even Arnold can be supportive. And the phone just doesn’t do it. I need someone to go on a late-night Taco Bell run with that I trust with EVERYTHING and I just don’t have that yet and putting myself out there to try to find that just adds to the anxiety.
I’m sure I could continue, but those are what’s at the front of my mind right now. I wanted to share not so you’d feel sorry for me, but so you’d understand that we all have our rough days too. So, for now I’m going to try to sign up to drive for Uber, because the sooner I can at least ease my money woes, the sooner I can TRY to get some of my life back on track.
Oh, and I scheduled $65 worth of stuff at the spa this weekend because I feel like I deserve it. So.
What has you stressed lately? Talking about it is cathartic, I promise.