While I’m sure not many of you have been sitting around wondering if I’m dating, I’m sure if you took a second to think about it, it would be rather obvious that I am. I’m 22-years-old, I have my career and such together and I genuinely want to find a man to be with. So, the logical next step for that is to be dating.
So, I want to tell you a story. I haven’t quite decided why I want to tell you this story, though. Maybe it’s because I don’t want you to get into this situation and maybe because I, personally, think it was a personal victory for me. Either way, here goes.
I’m on Tinder. For real, who’s not. So, I’m on Tinder, which honestly sucks in Eastern Washington. So, embarrassingly, one of the things I love about going to Seattle is it’s a whole new pool of young professional men who have goals (like I do) and are of a similarly educated, city mindset.
I matched with this one and we got to talking. Honestly, in hindsight, I think if he grew up a little bit mentally we could be good for each other, but it’s really not that big of a deal. I’m not heartbroken.
But we got into a fight one day and he made his friend talk to me. The friend was essentially trying to psychobabble me into listening to him, saying things such as, “You don’t have to put up a wall when you’re talking to me,” or, “I can tell you’re getting defensive because you’re hurt,” you know, the things men tell women because we can’t possibly be capable of getting annoyed at something outside of rejection or heartbreak. -__-
Bro. (I’ve decided italics is my way to be out of the story and talk to you readers for a hot second). First, can we just talk about how weird it is that he made me talk to his friend? Like who do you think you are? I don’t want to talk to your friend about whatever problems we’re having so he can help you “understand what I’m coming from,” because “he’s dealt with the same emotions.” No. Major turn off.
So, I ended talking to the friend and the friend texted me saying if I ever needed to talk he was there, blah, blah, blah. And essentially he started scamming on his friend and trying to get at me. So, whatever. We start talking because the other friend essentially “gives” me to him another problem with this story.
One day he comes out to Yaks from Seattle to take me on a date and we talk and text and all that jazz and he’s nice. He’s nice and intelligent. And if you know me, you know I look for intelligence as like my number one. Obviously, whoever I’m dating has to like me, but I’m never trying to find a man that’s like obsessed with me. So, like I said, intelligence is one.
But he’s SUPER nice. Like letting me walk on him like a doormat nice. Like we’ve been “dating” for two weeks now you need to hop off, nice.
Everyone around me was telling me to give him a chance because I don’t usually like nice guys so I’m just not used to it. But, apparently, as a grown woman I’m supposed to be looking for a man that will “chase” me. Whatever that means.
So, I give him a chance for maybe two weeks and then it’s WAY too much. It’s making my anxiety worse because I know I don’t like him and I’m not going to like him. There are just too many initial deal breakers for it to work. It’s not that I’m not trying, I just know me and what I’m looking for.
Because of that I essentially broke up with him… Do you break up with someone you’re only dating but isn’t your boyfriend? I don’t know, but it had to be done instead of just fading away.
And then he got mad.
I was nicer to him than I have been in any break up ever because he really was sweet to me. I explained why I didn’t think it was going to work and I was sorry and wished him the best of luck, etc.
AND HE GOT MAD AT ME.
He called me psychotic and ugly and crazy and a bunch of other stupid names.
But I think I’m the bomb.com, so it’s one of those things where I know he’s saying it becauase he’s annoyed, but whatever.
Then, the next day he called and asked for a chance. He didn’t ask for a second chance, he said my two weeks simply wasn’t enough and I owed it to him.
Yes, you heard that right. I OWED it to him.
So, I think that is the point of my story. I don’t owe anything to anyone. The man could have bought me a small country and I still don’t owe him anything.
I think we as women, although we’re trying to work on this, are often made to feel like we owe men a chance or a date or a phone call or whatever it is. For some reason assertive women who sometimes, (I don’t wear the pants in a relationship by any means) take control and say enough is enough are labeled bitches or men, and that’s just not fair.
You are allowed to take control of your life and you’re allowed to say when enough is enough, if that means on a date, if that means in the workplace or anywhere else.
You got this lady. You’re the bomb.com.
Have you had a similar situation? What happened? What did you say?